My husband is fully trained and certified to administer the Heimlich Maneuver. (The crowd applauds...!) He also occupies a recliner which boasts having a "power boost" seat that will place him in an almost standing position, after he pushes the button on his handy-dandy control. (This is integral to the story...)
One night the inevitable happened.... I was eating while watching TV (I eat while doing almost anything these days...) and due to a momentary lapse due to the intoxicating effect of the food combined with the aphrodesiac quality of the TV show I was watching.... I began to choke. Hah... no worry, I had at my beck and call the Certified Heimlich Maneuver Master...
Problem #1.... I was in the living room and he was around the corner in his "Man Room".... Why? Because I have a 52" TV all to myself with my very own totally memorized remote pad! (Duh... Women in the crowd nudge each other knowingly.)
Problem #2.... It's hard to yell for help while you are choking....
Problem #3.... My husband can't just "pop" up out of his chair. He has to first think about if it's really an "emergency", then he pushed his little "eject" button, which hums while it slowly raises him to a standing position.
Now, just so you can appreciate my dilemma, imagine you are choking, imagine your mind is racing .... "How do I get the attention of my Rescuer?".... You pound on the arm of the couch, and finally you hear the hum of your rescuer's "ejector seat" being activated.... Imagine hmmmmm..... hmmmmmm.... hmmmmm.... hmmmmm.... for what seems to be an interminable time. The horror, the horror....
Well, I did what any good old girl from New York State who has good lungs would do. Knowing I was on my own, I used the little air I had left to expell the half-sandwich that was lodged in my throat.
Two minutes later, my husband appeared at my side, all ready to come to my rescue. I told him I had almost choked to death, and he looked into the distance, as though calculating.... "How much is she insured for?", then snapped out of it and said "Oh"... and retreated to his "Man Room" to continue watching his "Sit-Com"....
You know, I would have been offended, but in my heart I know how much he enjoys his "Sit-Coms".... Hah... So now I eat my food in very Small bites!
Hah... Smile and Enjoy!
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